colector: [JournalWriting] Re: Not a Happy Go Lucky Post/Patches

I hope that you are able to put your words in this entry into action.
What a great way either of things would be to celebrate 2 years.

Patches

--- In JournalWriting@yahoogroups.com, Walks with Wolves
<silverfangedone@...> wrote:
>
> Patches,
> I just realized how badly work is running me. I'm exhausted beyond
belief and my eating habits have totally gone to sh*t. I'm hormonal
(as I said in the original entry) too, so that doesn't help matters.
I've got to put my foot down at work and say enough is enough. That's
where I need to assert my independence. I need to get back into my
yoga too. That was calming and good for my body.
>
> Haven't hit that 2 year mark yet, but when I do, I'm treating myself
to something nice. Maybe a full body massage? Or a mini-day at the
spa or something just nice for myself.
>
> Wishing you well with your own struggles.
> Light of heart,
> ~*~Walks~*~
>
> The Patch <berrimany@...> wrote: I
wonder if you could pin down exactly what you miss about it, you could
then find other ways to meet that need. For instance ways other than
cutting
> to assert the independence.
>
> It's so healthy to talk about it, instead of doing it. We are not
in recovery, as you are aware, but I do think it is like other
addictions where you always worry about it. I have talked to others
who have been Si free for varying number of years, and they often say
that while the desire continues to lessen as they learn more ways to
cope, sometimes the urge does come back up.
>
> 2 years. Wow what a wonderful accomplishment. Congrats.
>
> Patches
>
>
> Walks with Wolves wrote:
> Just warning you that this isn't a happy-go-lucky post from
me. If you cut, or have cut before, or are a recovering cutter, you
might not want to read as this could be triggering.
>
>
>
> I have a Confession....
> Monday, February 25, 2008 I
miss cutting. I miss the self-injury.
>
> Not sure why (ok, so I'm fucking hormonal right now--damn MoonTime
is coming soon and it's really screwing with me this time around).
But anyways, the desire to cut has hit the roof today.
>
> That evil, oily voice tells me to assert my independence. To be my
own woman and to do whatever the fuck I please. It whispers that
being SI-free is just another constraint put upon me by the outside
world. It isn't something I really want, but do to please others.
>
> Which is partially true, mostly not, though.
>
> It's been almost 2 years now since the last time I engaged in any
form of Self-Inflicted Harm. April 11th will be exactly 2 years. Two
years SI-free.
>
> I don't want to go back to being a cutter. It's like being a
junkie. I may not always be high, but I'm thinking about that next hit.
>
> I did some poking around on the internet, trying to see if the
medical community had an opinion on if SI-behavior is temporary, or if
it's akin to alcoholism and is something I'll have to deal with for
the rest of my life.
>
> And I haven't found a god damn thing on it. *growls*
> So I emailed one of the SI-help groups out there, asking them.
> I'm curious, yet dreading, their response.
>
>
>
> Note: No, I haven't cut yet. I haven't engaged in any form of
SI. And I have no plans to do so. I just needed to let this out so I
don't. I got plenty of blades and whatnot to do the trick, if I so
desired. But I have no intentions of going back down that road, so
please don't tell me not to do it because it's bad, or because I
shouldn't. I just wanted to voice it. So it's real. So I don't have
to cut.........
>
>
>
>
> --------------060900020300020603000905--
>
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> To hear the sound of the wolf is to experience a singularly moving
sensual experience of wilderness. Sound of unreachable quality,
seeming weird and inhuman. But not unearthly. For it is of the essence
of the creature wolf: of his spirit, his being, his truth. A
transcendental song that took form uncounted millennia before time was
defined. Something elemental. A living call from the past. A
revelation of the very Universe.
> ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
> A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes
where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination
prepared to be herself and only herself.
>
> Maya Angelou
>
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