colector: [JournalWriting] A Response and some Ramblings (Journal Entry)

A Response and Some Ramblings

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

My email:
Is SI a life-time addiction?
I'm a recovering cutter. I haven't engaged in SI in almost 2 years now. But the thought/desire to do so is still in my head from time to time. And I just want to know if this is something I will have for the rest of my life? Like alcoholism?

The response:
Dear {birthname},

Thank you for visiting our website and taking the time to write us at SAFE Alternatives. Congratulations on being a person who has recovered/is recovering from self injury. While there are some addictive qualities to self injury, we don't consider it to be an addiction. In our opinion it's not like alcoholism in that sense. That doesn't mean the
thought will never enter your head again. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism that you used for a period of time; there were things about it that were helpful. Obviously, it was unhealthy and you hopefully learned to deal with your emotions in more productive ways.

Just because you've thought about injuring doesn't take away the progress you've made. Even if you've injured, it still doesn't take all that away. Think of it instead as a sign that you need some extra help and support when you have those thoughts. That can be a "red
flag" to let you know there is something that is upsetting you or causing you stress, and you need to talk to someone and get some support.

Hopefully this information answers your questions. Please feel free to call or write back (contact info below) if there is anything else we can answer for you.

Sincerely,

Pam Leimberer

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So there I have it. The medical community doesn't consider SI an addiction. And talking with others who have recovered from SI, it seems these next few years will be the real testing ground.

I'm doing even better today. I've done my best to keep a good distance between Bhavini and I but she just seems to hunt me down. It seems she can't stand to have me out of her sight. *shrugs* Fine. Watch me all you fucking want. Ya better be taking notes too! *snarls*

I finished up the North American binder today. WHEW! That was a huge task. It has pictures and info on most of the animals on the North American continent along with coloring sheets. This matches up with a basket of model animals that go with the continent. I opened up my classroom today (as that's headquarters for this big project—that actually encompasses ALL of the continents plus the oceans) and a number of students wanted to work in there. So I said why not? And in they came. I actually had to tell a number of them no because I just didn't have room! *laughs* And there was no reason for Bhavini to come over there, but she did. She had to come stand in the doorway between my Montessori room and the Practical Life room and just "keep tabs" on what was going on in there. I had to restrain myself from screaming at her to leave me the hell alone. Tomorrow, if she does it again, I'll fucking say something. I'm sick of her.

I got my first repayment for my Montessori training to the tune of $437.50. Damn shame I don't get to keep that money. *sighs* But instead, it goes to pay the loan I took from my Mom to do the Montessori training in the first place. I get the next payment at the end of June and then I'll only owe my Mom $125 which I'll easily pay after June. *grins*

Ok, time to hit the showers.

To hear the sound of the wolf is to experience a singularly moving sensual experience of wilderness. Sound of unreachable quality, seeming weird and inhuman. But not unearthly. For it is of the essence of the creature wolf: of his spirit, his being, his truth. A transcendental song that took form uncounted millennia before time was defined. Something elemental. A living call from the past. A revelation of the very Universe.
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A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.

Maya Angelou

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