colector: [JournalWriting] Just an entry really but you know me it can get a little long

I am sitting here with my flowering fruit tea and its really good.
When I ordered tea a few months back it was one of the flavours I
bought in a sample pack. I remember the smell from when I worked at
the bookstore a few years back and I wanted to make sure I liked the
taste before committing to buying a larger package down the road...

Basically I have been reading the messages for a few weeks and I was
down (mentally) during that time and I was writing fairly dark
entries so I had to not put that on others in a sense but I get a
little non functioning while I am this way. I kinda let housework and
other things fall on the wayside for a little bit. Adain was like WTF
is wrong with you basically. He thought I was acting way to dark for
him and I wasn't talking much. He read the journal we keep together
and he and I talked and I had let him know from December-March I feel
like I get a little strange here since we get so little warmth and
good sunlight. It was more than that though. I had looked back
through my old journals and see if I could find a coorelation between
this time of year and why I get way too moody and I figured it all
out. (I'd rather keep the reason personal but it was more than a
serious thing.)

However, Adain and I took our trip but we didn't go to Louisiana or
Florida. We went to Hawaii so we could be alone away from anyone we
knew. Mainly Maui but we spent a few days on Oahu. I lived on Oahu
for a few yrs so it was nice to go down memory road. It was good
times. So when we were on Maui the second to the last night we were
there we got married. It was a surprise for me really. He had set the
whole thing up. (Good thing I was in an agreeable mood.) So we
haven't told our families we were married yet. We just kinda want to
be married alone for awhile before introducing our families into it.
Plus we want to have all our family together in Paris when we get
remarried there in July. It was lovely to have a Hawaiian ceremony.
It was quite old fashioned though since one of us said obey lol. It
was meant as a joke really. Our ceremony in Paris will be much more
formal. I'm so not formal so I enjoyed the informality of the
Hawaiian ceremony. We were married on February 29th so how was that
for oddity :)

We talked/dealt with the subject my tendency to get more than moody
when we first got together and he knew what he was in for sometimes.
He really only asked me have I ever been suicidal or thought about
it? I have never been suicidal or thought about doing myself in no.
Otherwise I would of already done it in my view. He has known me long
enough to know that I am pretty paradoxical and moody. I have had
therapy at points in life and have learned to deal with events in my
life and the past. Its why Aidan and I have the type of relationship
we do. Its not totally conventional no but it works for us. It might
scare even me sometimes (<---not for the physical) but we've never
done anything dangerous or something that would injure either one of
us. We basically have a conventional relationship about 70% of the
time but we both get bored at points so we travel and get into things
20% of the time and the other 10% we do what we do so we stay in
balance.

So basically I am feeling way better now since we took the trip and I
figured out why I was way out of sorts and dealt with it. There isn't
much diffrence between the way we were and the way we are now that we
are married. I realized he needed to have that piece of paper and
commitment ceremony. I didn't feel that need and I still don't in a
sense but I realized it may be a problem down the road. I figured I
could live with the marriage part otherwise I wouldn't of accepted
when he asked me to marry him over Christmas. Basically a few days
back I signed my married name for the first time and when I was
called in at the doctor's office the receptionist said it and Aidan
was there and he looked like he was quite pleased with himself about
it. (I was always thinking that those Europeans were open about such
things as relationships but I learned Aidan is the type who would be
considered an old fashioned fellow when it comes to marriage and
relations for the most part. His mother schooled me on the things I
questioned about him when his family was here.)

Well it looks like everyone here is doing well and we keep on adding
new members every so often. Wondering whats up with Gloria though.
She has been gone a long while. I miss her posts. I'm back at work
and I am feeling very good. I think I would of been fine even if we
didn't get married but it was nice to take the trip to get some sun
and warmth. I'm the type who doesn't like a lot of fuss about things
in life like holidays, birthdays, heck even being married lol. Aidan
says I am the most low key person he has ever met in his lifetime.

I think they should stop playing with dalight savings. It used to get
dark about 630-645pm anyhow. Now its dark around 730-745pm and it
doesn't get light out until about 730am here in the mornings--sigh.

Kat