--- In JournalWriting@
wrote:
> Take some time to write in your journal.
> What's happened so far this week? Share with the list if you'd like.
I had read an article on "high self-monitors.
in the article that struck me was "social chameleons."
Those exact words were something I had written over and over
describing myself during my dating years.
The mask. The act. The perfect date. I thought though it was
more because if I made them as comfortable as possible, then they'd
be more likely to show their true selves... and thus I'd know
better what I might be getting into. And it's not easy... it's
a complicated dance of body language, voice, head tilt, tone,
inflection, down to the length of time it takes to blink.
But, honestly, I lost myself along the way and
it would turn out to be denying who I was to fit the picture
someone else thought I would/should/
It sounds completely idiotic now. Why would anyone do that to
themselves? As much of a pain in the butt effort as it looks
and can be... I think it still definitely falls into the
realm of wanting to be/remaining in a comfort zone.
And now? Why is it it seems like I have to hit walls
to feel/know where I begin and the world ends? Does it
always have to be the sharp edge of pain that defines
who I am... my boundaries found and drawn in my own blood?
Mary, CT
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